Everyday, Hubby and I are learning new things. Thanks to the Love Language Devotional. =) I really recommend this devotional to every couple!
I would like to share with you some “expressions” Hubby and I have learned and tried to use in our daily conversation with each other.
“I want to understand what you are saying because I know it is important.”
This is what Hubby and I have been rehearsing. In general, we always agree with each other. We always have the same goal and the same way to get there. But of course, we are different individuals. Whether we like it or not, we are wired differently. And this expression is surely handy when we start to divide. I need to remember to keep an open ear to everything he is saying. I may not always agree with it but I need to listen.
“That’s an interesting way to look at it.”
Hubby and I almost ended in a heated argument last week when I told him that I did not agree with what he has decided on. I just don’t. And my tone was not as nice to be honest. I just knew that it will end up in an argument. Hubby being such a good learner told me instead “That’s an interesting way to look at it.” I was alarmed and suddenly realized how I was behaving. I was glad it was dark then and he didn’t see me blush because I absolutely did. Then, we both burst out laughing. It really is one thing to read about what you should do, and another thing to actually do it.
“I really appreciate that.”
I know it’s really simple and easy to remember but most couples forget to appreciate each other. Hubby and I have started becoming more appreciative of each other. It also encourages us to serve each other. Specially for me who appreciates being appreciated, it gives me more reason to serve him because I know he appreciates it.
What do you usually tell your husband (or wife) when an argument is about to start?
Are you appreciative of what he (or she) is doing for you?
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I’m guilty of being insensitive sometimes. When I’m tired, lacking sleep, stressed out I easily get irritated…and my patience snaps in an instant. I’m working on it. I pray that God will give me patience and a generous heart to understand, to be more giving. My wife and I try our best to listen more, share more…love more. After all, we made a vow to cherish each other no matter what. Thanks for opening my eyes today…Wishing you and your love ones all the wonderful blessings in life….
My boyfriend sometimes complain me that I don’t answer his question directly. Simple answers, like “I’m going” or “I’m not going”, are difficult to hear from my mouth when I feel like I don’t want to give direct answers. I have tendency to expect people may know what I’m thinking in my mind without saying, and this always will start a little argument. >u< I guess I have to change. Thanks for sharing your love tips!
I know “I really appreciate that.” is very important but it’s difficult to say it to other people.
That’s why I have a sense of shame a little. I guess that other Japanese people are same.
They are very powerful lines to use… sometimes we forget. Good for you.
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Lovely post! Such important reminders about how we should talk to one another.
Tricia recently posted..The good memories
Always a work in progress! Thanks for stopping by! =)
I am not good at working out when an argument is about to happen, but on the odd occasion when I do pick up on something I do an Ostrich (stick my head in the sand). I’m not good with confrontation.
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Student Mom (Jenn) recently posted..Great Friends
I think it’s really hard!
This is so true. I believe that men and women think so differently, it’s so important to listen to each other for a happy marriage. Today is my 19 year anniversary! Lot’s of learning has happened over those years and still continues!
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My hubby and I were JUST talking about how we feel like couples don’t do enough validating and appreciating of little acts (or big ones). I will say that is actually something I feel like we have nailed. The ability to be kind during an argument…well, that is a work in progress. Reading this has certainly given me food for thought. Happy SITS day!
thedoseofreality recently posted..Sharing Is Caring, Right?
Great expressions. It sounds like you are both humble and willing to learn and change. That will get you far. When I am frustrated, I tend to need reminding that I commit the same sins usually. And that mistakes by a husband are when grace is really needed.
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This is really great advice! My husband and I just celebrated our 14th anniversary yesterday by spending an evening away alone (no children). Talking and having the time to reconnect as a couple was invaluable which is basically the advice you are giving by saying things that always leave you open to to hearing each others point of view…even during every day debates or discussions
So nice to connect to you Viviene!
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Happy STIS day. What an inspiring post. Thanks for sharing!!
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Very wise observations. I am a very competitive person and I am slowly working on realizing I don’t need to be “right” all the time or keep pushing to force my husband to agree with me . It’s not about winning.
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Hi! Love visiting your blog! Happy SITS Day!
Raquel recently posted..Simple Pumpkin Muffins
Beautiful reminders that we need to be considerate of the people we live with and treat them with respect and value — even when we don’t agree.
misssrobin recently posted..I Can Strengthen
I think I will use that’s an interesting way to look at it, my hubby defintely falls in that category
*happy sits day!*
Lovely post! I might just have to check out that devotional!
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KyFireWife recently posted..Why isn’t my house clean?
Such good advice. Sometimes it’s so easy to just have the same argument over and over, but aside from just saying these expressions, I think that it would actually force me to listen better. Thanks!
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These really are great devotionals! We’ve gone through something similar with a book called Conscious Loving. It’s so important to keep respect for each other paramount, and those communication lines open, isn’t it?? Thanks so much for sharing! We often read about spouse fights on blogs, but we don’t always read about constructive ways to avoid/diffuse them.
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Very interesting!!
I’ve never read this devotional but from the things you are saying it sounds very good. I have learned to speak “my husband” if you will. Learned how he communicates and we have learned that we are different. We don’t get into loud mean arguments (well once in a blue moon) but we do have discussions or disagreements. But we do our best to listen, be open minded and open hearted and pray that we receive what the other person is saying.
I always tell my husband and kids thank you and I appreciate you. I feel as if no one HAS to do something for you. So I’m always grateful when he does.
Great post!!
Felicia
I’m going to definitely check out the Love Language Devotional!
I love the Love Languages! My husband and I read that and talked about it right after we were married, but I think it would be great to revisit now that a few years have passed! Sometimes, he doesn’t recognize that his tone sounds mean, so I just look at him and say, “Brussel Sprouts.” Then, we both just laugh, but he gets the point! Happy SITS day!
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Great marital advice. It’s like putting out the fire before it even sparks.
Lisa recently posted..Always Striving
Those are great! My hubby and I try to say similar things. Another thing that works for us to avoid silly/petty arguments in the first place is to warn each other when we’re feeling cranky (to be fair, this mostly applies to me since hubby is very even-keeled…). We have a deal where I will just flat-out tell him “just a warning, I am on the verge of crankiness right now!”
It works for two reasons: first, he knows that it might not be a good time to bring up a serious topic (if it can wait), and he knows in advance not to take anything I say (or my tone) personally since I’m just in a bit of a “mood”. Second, it helps ME be more aware of my emotions and how I’m speaking to him, etc – which often snaps me out of the mood!
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Mo @ The Baby Is Fine recently posted..Do As I Say, Not As I Eat
Such an interesting way to fight. When I want to discuss something important, I wait until he’s driving. Works for me. Happy SITS day.
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Love this post. I REALLY like being right, which isn’t very good when my husband and I have disagreements. I need to try some of these expressions.
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Happy SITS Day! What a refreshing approach to marriage and communication with your spouse.
Whitney recently posted..Business As Usual
Love this post! It’s important to remember how to talk to each other! I have to remember to say “I appreciate that” more often. Happy SITS Day!
Happy SITS Day again! I love this post, communication can break and make relationships and friendships…
jamie recently posted..Awaken by a bad dream
I grew up in a home where my parents (& ultimately, stepparents, too) argued & yelled a lot. We don’t do that. Maybe it’s because I committed to not doing it, or maybe we just get along with each other so well. I don’t know. One thing that it did take me time to learn (really, truly know & act on) is that we don’t have the same love languages. For your spouse to feel loved, you have to express that love in ways that THEY feel loved, not in the way that YOU feel loved. And don’t keep score (why should I try and make them feel loved when they don’t do things that make ME feel loved?!?!). Do the right thing & be patient & it will come back to you. Be the adult and do it first! Happy SITS day from a Sister in Christ!
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I love that! Thanks for sharing that! =)
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 15 months now (which might be nothing to most happy couples who have been together for 15 years) but I learned that it’s best to appreciate your partner in anything he gives his effort to. I realized that most of the time, he just does things for me to praise him or for me in general. It’s so heart warming to see his face light up when I compliment what he has done.
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That’s true.. =) Keep the love alive! =)